2020 was, for most of us, a year of staying home for months on end. Sure, some small weddings happened, but a lot didn’t. But 2021 was on the horizon, and boy, did you guys party. The beauty of being a wedding photographer is being there for almost the whole day. Getting to meet the people you love to bits and capture all that positivity and good feeling through photos and video, and give it to you at the end so you can relive it over and over. And most weddings are exactly that.

But sometimes we are not safe. Let’s talk about that.

On October 24th 2021, I posted the following on my instagram feed:

For once, I’m going to get a bit serious. For once, I have something serious to say. Please read through to the end.

Some guests’ behaviour at weddings this year has been incredibly concerning. Maybe it’s because they’ve have 18 months unable to let their hair down, I dunno. I’m not interested in excuses. But as a female photographer I know that I and many of my colleagues in the industry have felt intimidated by abusive and sexist actions and language used by some guests at some weddings.

I’m not talking about the odd lingering lok in a quiet moment (still gross). I'm talking about men pretending to take a selfie then tilting their phone so they’re actually photographing my second shooter, with a comment that they’ll save that photo for later. I’m talking about going to take a group photo of all the guys in the evening and being dismissed with advice to go get drunk at the bar instead, and maybe get a real job (cheers for that one BTW, made me laugh). I’m talking about upskirting women on the dancefloor. I’m talking about demanding a female photographer takes a portrait then intimidating her when she won’t share it immediately. It’s being called a cunt for doing the job the couple hired you to do.

It’s not all weddings. It’s not even most weddings. But it happens a lot more. If I was employed I’d be escalating this, but what are my options here? To grin and bear it, or to inform a couple and leave. I have no union I can turn to for protection in the face of harassment in the workplace. It would be wonderful to think that going to a couple and saying “this person over here is harassing me” would result in said person being asked to leave. But in my mind I can’t see toxic people leaving in a way that does anything but cause yet more drama.

So I’m writing about it here. I’m writing about it to say to these men (because every incident I mention was perpetrated by men) - we see you. I will not be so patient in the future.

Photographers are screaming for change

Three months after I wrote my post, another photographer, Kim Williams, said something similar and it went viral. We both saw a huge reaction and engagement with our posts, and Kim makes the same points that I do. Each time posts like ours gain any traction there’s a huge outcry and noise about it - and then in my experience, everything goes quiet. But if you take a look at mine or Kim’s post you’ll see literally hundreds of photographers talking about things that happened to them at weddings. Some of them are the tiny micro aggressions we live with all the time, and some are a lot more threatening than that.

The thing we all know to be true is that it is not ok to be harassed while doing your job whatever form it takes.

The goal

It’s really important we keep our eye on the prize with this. There are things we can all do to call out behaviour and deal with it as it happens.

That means not making statements like “not all men harass women”, because it’s literally the least helpful statement anyone ever made.

It means not saying things like “he’s had a drink” because that’s a poor excuse.

If you know you can’t control yourself when you’re drunk then don’t get drunk around women.

My goal is this:

Women can go about their business without enduring harassment.

It sure is a big goal, and I’ll do what I can to make it a reality. Think of all the times you got cat called in the street, told how to do something by a man who didn’t know better, told to cheer up love it might never happen, grabbed, fondled, cornered, followed, or worse. It happens all the time, and it happens at weddings. It must stop.

The Tools for the Job

While it’s very hard to raise the alarm while you’re working at a wedding, there are lots of things couples, vendors and venues can do to make everyone safer. It can be incredibly hard to be harassed and not freeze. A natural response to intimidating behaviour is to ignore it, move yourself away from the aggressor and carry on with the job at hand without making anyone else feel uncomfortable. But all this does is pull the signal to the person harassing you that they can carry on doing it to other women, because women don’t speak up. I know how hard this is, so I’m going to explain what we can do before, during and after weddings to make them safer spaces for everyone attending a wedding.

Before a wedding

• Couples and vendors alike - speak to a venue to ask about their behaviour policy.

• I know a lot of on the day vendors have a clause in their contract to state they can leave if they’re harassed, which should go without saying really as legally no one has to stay anywhere they feel threatened. Regardless, vendors and couples need to make this a normal part of their conversation.

• Couples - make your guests aware that while they’re encouraged to have a good time, they need to treat everyone at their wedding (guests and vendors) with respect.

During a wedding

• Venues - please invest in internal security. It doesn’t have to be a bouncer with a bomber jacket and a radio. It can be someone in plain clothes, sat at the bar, keeping a watchful eye. It’s incredibly hard to raise the alarm when you’ve been sexually harassed, but what if someone impartial saw it? It means the onus isn’t on the guests to spy on each other, and it would make it a hell of a lot easier to enforce that clause in our contracts.

• Vendors - if something happens then document it as well you can. Tell a friend, tell the venue if you can. Do what feels safest at the time.

• Couples - Kim recommends designating a safe person we can escalate things to if things happen. I think there are some great reasons for doing this, and absolutely have them check in on your staff throughout the day to make sure they’re a-ok.

After A Wedding

• Venues - please don’t just touch base with couples to see how their day went. Go a bit further and ask if there was anything they could put in place to ensure safety.

• Couples - check in on your suppliers.

• Vendors - talk to venues, especially if you were subject to abuse. Tell them if you did or didn’t feel safe, and why. It’s not a nice conversation but ultimately this is your workplace, and you’re self-employed. It’s up to all of to band together and make it safer for each other.

And a special message to Men

Men reading this - this is women’s daily life. You might not do it, but I’ll bet you know someone who has harassed or intimidated a woman. Now is the time to make your voice heard. I know it feels terrifying and that you don’t want your mates to take the piss out of you, but we can’t fight this battle alone. We’ve been trying for centuries. Please join us, listen and amplify our voices.

The conversation continues with Hitched and Kim Williams in this article published yesterday. Please join us and make your voice heard.