Weddings are filled with expectations. From little things like who stands where during the ceremony, to only letting men do speeches and calling cars ‘carriages’ when what you really mean is ‘you don’t have to go home but you can’t stay here’*. Weddings have their own language, so I’m here as a trusty guide to help you tiptoe through the awkward moment you get when someone asks you what favours you’re having, or what your wedding breakfast is.

*lyrics pinched from Semisonic’s ‘Closing Time’. Thanks Semisonic! Your song is forever in my head.

Bridal Party

This is everyone who has a job at your wedding, and it’s a term that’s going out of fashion (can you have a bridal party if the wedding doesn’t include a bride?). Traditional terms - bridesmaids, groomsmen, pageboys, flower girls, maid of honour, best man. You might be delighted to know that there are some less heavily gendered terms these days, and it’s entirely normal for men to be included in the bridesmaids, and women to be included in the groom squad. Modern terms may include but not be limited to - bride tribe, best mate, bridesmate, flowerman, and most importantly, friend.

Buttonhole

Traditionally this is a little spray of flowers that is attached to a man’s lapel with a pin, and not actually shoved into the buttonhole. Recent sightings include baby pineapples, lego men and succulents. Men wear them on the left, women on the right - but honestly it really doesn’t matter as long as they’re somewhere on you and not tickling your chin. Wear it with pride!

Bustle

A loop of ribbon that transforms a long/big wedding dress from “I came here to do something serious” to “PARTY TIME”. These things are literal magic.

Canapés

My mum once asked a friend to bring canapés to a dinner party. Dear friend brought a can of peas, because it’s an easy mistake to make if you’re north of about Watford. These are typically served with drinks straight after the ceremony. There are never enough of them. Have whatever you like from a chicken liver parfait to pineapple on sticks.

Confetti

Well this is the glorious bit where you throw stuff at a couple. I think orginally it was small bits of bread chucked over a bride to symbolise fertility (definitely don’t do this in a city centre, it’ll be mayhem with all the pigeons) but now we throw flowers and colourful bits of paper. I think it’s one of those good luck things tbh.

Favours

Little gifts left on tables for the wedding guests, these are usually small bits and bobs, or things you can drink/eat. As with all things wedding, they are absolutely not essential, and definitely something you should only do if you really want to. And they can be anything you want!

First Look

Traditionally a couple don’t see each other on the morning of the wedding - at least, not in the UK. But traditionally women were given away as property, sometimes while they were still a child, and people could only marry the opposite sex. So screw tradition! If you’re happier getting ready apart then do that - it can definitely be exciting when you see each other to say that you both do. But if you want to help with each others ties/dresses/shellsuits (it’s all your choice) then do that. Anyway, I digress. A first look is where a couple get ready and have some photos before they get married. It’s a great strategy for winter weddings, when daylight hours are limited, or couples who just, y’know, want to.

Giving Away

This is a tradition as old as…well I actually don’t know, but I can definitely picture it from the days of trading cattle for people. Lovely bit of sexism this one, where men would literally pass their property on to other men in a financial exchange. In marriage terms, the property was the bride. So yeah. Also, I totally expected my dad to walk me down the aisle and I absolutely loved it, and my father in law didn’t give him anything in return, so maybe we’ve moved on and can be cool.

Golden Hour

Not wedding specific, but photo specific! Golden hour is the time when the light is golden. It doesn’t always last an hour. It doesn’t always happen. It doesn’t always happen at the same time. It’s always glorious, and makes for lovely glowy photos that almost make you feel like you’re on holiday.

Usher

No, not that guy! This kind of usher is someone who points out where folks need to go throughout the day, hands out confetti, and is an all round helpful guy/gal.

Wedding Breakfast

The first meal you eat as a married couple (IE at your reception). Whether it’s a 7 course taster menu or an actual fry up, it’s still breakfast. I bet the person thought this up probably thought they were dead clever.