Getting Married in the New Normal
This is a blog post for everyone who wants to get married - soon - but doesn’t know how to proceed.
We hear a lot about the ‘new normal’. There are loads of new rules and we’re all kind of feeling our way through about what this all means, especially when it comes to doing things that involve a lot of people working or hanging out together. I’m not going to get in to what I think about how everything’s been handled, and what different vendors are doing to help their suppliers - I’ve talked about it before, and mentioned it frequently on Instagram. This post is about moving beyond what’s going on right now, and possibly beyond what you actually had planned.
If you’ve always wanted a smaller wedding, one free of traditions and expectations, this is your moment. Grab it! Get yourselves wed in a way that excites you! Grab your lover (not like that) and run off into the wedding of your dreams together!
I’m writing this as a loose guide. Something to tease the curious and open the minds of people who feel like everything has to stop. Because it really, really doesn’t. There are ways, and there are means. The fact is that we’re probably going to be dealing with this ‘new normal’ for some time. We are going to have to change some of the way things are done, and that means there are loads of us in the wedding industry looking at the changes we can make. Intrigued? You should be!
Traditions?
They can get in the sea.
(& nobody can say anything about it!)
It’s true - so many wedding traditions just can’t happen right now. This is your opportunity to jettison everything you don’t want from your wedding, and not have to worry about the wrath/judgement spewing forth from your Auntie Pat! In fact, there’s now a legitimate reason to not have Pat at your wedding at all anymore!
Here’s a list of things you can’t do at the moment:
Massive, long ceremonies with cousins you’ve never met
It happens at every wedding. “Who’s that?” “Second cousin or something.” “Oh.” “£40 a head.” “Shit.” “Yeah”.
Ceremonies are tiny right now, and while it can be hard whittling that guest list down, it can be liberating. No more second cousins or whatever unless you really want them there.
Receiving Lines, Dancing + Big Receptions
Weddings are a golden opportunity for super spreading all kinds of muck and germs. These three things are exactly why. While you might have really wanted to have the massive celebration, it’s going to have to be put on hold for now whatever happens, but loads of us in the industry are completely happy to split packages. Might be a bit trickier for venues, but worth having that conversation if you just want to get married now.
Outdoor (official) Ceremonies
I still can’t believe that most of the UK doesn’t support humanist ceremonies in the legal sense, but this is in review. For now, the legal bit must be done at a licensed venue, registry office, or a place of worship, but that doesn’t have to hold you back in the slightest. You are absolutely permitted to hire a celebrant to hold an unofficial ceremony somewhere that carries a deep meaning for you, and just do the legal bit on a Monday afternoon with just 2 witnesses. Hopefully English and Welsh law will be dragged kicking and screaming into the 20th century in the next year or two, with legal ceremonies being permitted anywhere you wish, but for now, there are ways to have a gorgeous, non-stuffy ceremony.
But what about the awesome things you can do?
While it’s easy to look at the list of not-alloweds and feel deflated, there are lots of things you can do. Step out of your negative wellies and put your positive pumps on, because there are AMAZING weddings happening right now.
Getting Ready
The morning of a wedding is a really special time. And it can still be photographed! Myself and all the photographers I know are perfectly happy to wear masks and clean down our gear for every job, and douse ourselves in vats of hand sanitizer throughout. Hair and make up artists are back working again in their fancy PPE, so you can keep them on board if you’re already booked in with them. Florists and cake makers are still out there ready to make your wedding extra special if that’s your kind of thing too. This part of the day is still going ahead, but perhaps with reduced numbers due to restrictions on numbers of people gathering in households. Essentially though, you can get ready at home still, and people working are allowed to entire your home with the appropriate measures in place.
A small ceremony
Some ceremonies are so small at the moment that photographers aren’t actually allowed in the room, which actually suits some couples really well. Legal ceremonies are very short at the moment anyway - just a quick exchange of vows, rings chucked at each other in a rush and a quick cross on a form and you’re out of there. But you could hold a 30 person ceremony on the side of a mountain, on a beach, in your back garden - wherever you bloody well wish - if you hire a celebrant. They inject real meaning and purpose into your vows if the legal stuff leaves you feeling a bit cold. They create a completely bespoke service just for you, get to know you and help draw out your personalities and the connection you have. They are golden, and a wedding ceremony with a celebrant is a completely different experience.
feel your nerves vanish
It isn’t easy to walk down the aisle in front of 100 people (even if some of them remember you as a snotty, naked toddler with a finger up your nose). But it’s not so hard when it’s just your closest friends and/or family, and they’re all just absolutely made up for you. I recently shot a wedding with just 10 people in attendance, and on the morning the groom said he wasn’t nervous at all, just disgustingly happy.
A first dance
After some characteristic back and forth, first dances are now allowed at weddings. Apparently it’s supposed to be just the couple dancing, but I’d be amazed if Boris himself actually cared. What is true is that you can dance if you want to, but you don’t have to. You could do something amazing if you wanted to, but you don’t have to. The choice is completely up to you, because no one knows what to expect anymore.
A meal
Hungry wedding guests are not happy wedding guests, and receptions for sit down meals for 30 people are allowed. But just because you’re sitting down it doesn’t mean you have to have the whole 3 course shebang. You can eat whatever you want, however you want, provided everyone’s parked at a table. This could mean going to your favourite pub or restaurant too, by the way. You don’t necessarily need an actual wedding venue, but if you’re tied into one they would probably be glad of this kind of work right now.
no one will object to your choices
They say opinions are like arseholes - everyone’s got one. And boy, is that true when it comes to weddings! The opinions on what’s right, what’s absolutely not, what’s expected, they’re endless. And endlessly annoying. In ordinary times it takes guts and bloody mindedness to ignore the opinions of those nearest to you, but right now people are just so happy to see positive expressions of love and commitment that the questions have stopped.
So go for it. Have the wedding you want without fear or worry. Let your imagination rule. Get creative with your plans. No one will make you feel bad for getting married this year - and you can always celebrate with larger numbers at a later date.
If you’re keen to get married with tiny numbers and a party on another date then absolutely GO FOR IT! I’ve created a package for exactly this - something in between an elopement and a full wedding. If you’re interested or need any help getting things in place then feel free to get in touch with me.
